Three O'Clock (SebastianxCiel)
by Names.Of.The.Forgotten
Summary: AU; Sebastian and Ciel are roommates, but Sebastian is having difficulty- as to what is unknown, but can Ciel knock some sense into him? One-shot, roughly written as it had started as a roleplay, and most likely to be edited in the future. Prompt inside; warning: self harm, suicide attempt; romance just the way you like it!


Sebastian toyed with the knife in his hand, tugging his sweatpants down, cringing at his scarred and cut covered thighs. He sighed quietly, dragging the knife over his skin, staying quiet as not to wake up his roommate, Ciel. He brought the knife down again and again, adding to his collection.

* * *

Ciel cringed when he heard small pants from the other room. He tried to roll over and go back to sleep, hoping that the noise would cease.

He knew exactly what his roommate was doing, and he tried to ignore it.

He understood, somewhat, as he had his own scars from a long time ago- back when he was with his abusive father and couldn't take it anymore.

More than anything he wanted to comfort him in someway… But thinking back, he would have wanted to be alone. He didn't know if this held true for Sebastian… But it was important not to make it even worse.

He threw the covers over his head, and pressed the palms of his hands to his ears to block out the noise, and curled into a ball.

It was the same situation every night, and Ciel hated it.

Some time ago he had felt this… Connection to the older male- he enjoyed his company, his laugh… And he was even convinced that he might have liked the man. So it hurt when he heard the small grunts of pain, and the seemingly endless drops of blood on the linoleum bathroom floor.

He squeezed his eyes, and, as pathetic as he knew it was, he felt the sting of tears prick his eyes.

He cried silently. For Sebastian.

No one deserves that type of pain. He knew… In his own case that his cure was getting away from his father- although it wasn't permanent, it certainly helped with the cutting until he all together stopped. He had no more logical reason for doing so after that point. And when he went to college and was roomed with-by his standards- the hottest guy in the planet… He got a little excited.

"Make it stop, _please._" he cried, whispering silently to himself.

Sebastian dropped the knife, going to the medicine cabinet; he grabbed some random pills he found in the cabinet. They weren't his... but they would work. He moved back to sit on the toilet lid, and poured a handful of pills out before swallowing every single one. He moved to lay on the ground, closing his eyes. He laid there on his back, breathing slowly as his legs bled out, waiting for the pills to take their effect.

Ciel gnawed on his nails nervously, the silent tears falling from his eyes becoming more prominent with each passing second.

But, the minute he heard _pills_…

He shot up out of his bed, heart pounding so hard he could feel it in his throat.

Sebastian didn't _have_ pills.

Those pills were for Ciel's eye- when his father had damaged it.

He immediately strapped on the Medical eyepatch, and threw back the covers.

This was _too far_.

He raced toward the bathroom door, tears still evident in his eyes, not caring that he was only in his boxers.

He yanked open the door, and shook when he saw Sebastian on his back. He fell to his knees, shaking, and crawled on his hands and knees across the cold floor.

"You took this too far!" Ciel yelled at him. "Remember my little confession of doing this too?" He felt a numb sensation in the back of his mind. It had been far too long since he had a peaceful night's sleep. He was constantly awake, and tonight, it seemed, was the night he would snap.

He didn't understand what was coming out of his mouth- babbling senseless words and phrases that didn't seem to register in his mind.

He shook his head, more tears flowing from his eyes. "I thought you just needed some space… A physical way to vent, and so I pretended not to notice. Every night I curl up into a ball wishing it would stop, but you just…"Ciel clenched his eye shut. "…You _can't die. _This is too far…" he cried.

What was he even _saying?_

Just the other day it had been as it always was- brief nods, laughing at shows, telling each other about their day... and even helping each other with homework, but now... everything just seemed so _wrong._

Sebastian didn't open his eyes, just smiled up at the boy, "I've wanted this for years. I have no regrets." He murmured, fading.

Ciel choked on his own tears, and flattened the mans hair neatly.

"You say that… But you never told me the story about how you got this way…" He murmured.

He leaned in, suddenly, desperate and agonizing over the last moments he might share with his roommate.

If he was going to do it, he better not think about it first.

He combed the mans hair softly, slowly, lovingly.

He pressed his forehead to his, letting his own tears fall and track down Sebastian's cheeks.

Fearful of what would happen next, he didn't allow himself the time to think about what he was doing.

"You _can't_ die… You're important to _me_." He whispered.

He wanted him to know that he wasn't alone. That he was cared for. Loved. _Deeply_ loved.

But he didn't know how Sebastian would react- everything was unfolding too quickly, at least for him, and he didn't want to scare him.

Sebastian pulled away, laughing weakly, "Nice job, falling in love with someone who's dying- but you're just saying that. You let me get worse and worse over the years, and you never tried to help me. Not once."

Ciel shook, more tears forming and falling; he was beginning to get angry with himself. All that convincing himself to stay away... was it all useless? Did Sebastian _really _want him to intervene?

"I can't _do_ anything." He cried, letting his head thump onto the man's shoulder. "You said you needed some space- so I gave you space, Sebastian. Besides, you... you swallowed them before I could even _get in here."_

He paused for a moment, heart racing. "I… I fucking _love _you, Sebastian… I don't want to leave."

He forcefully laced their fingers together as he cried into the man's neck. "That medicine was _mine_. Not something for you to overdose on. If you die…" He choked, "I'll…. I'll never forgive myself."

He pulled away, hastily standing up and grabbing the bottle from the counter.

He shook, panting hard, crying mindlessly. He tore off the cap and threw it away, taking a bunch into his own hand. "If… If you die… Then so will I." He boldly proclaimed.

And he didn't think it was hasty. He wanted to show Sebastian that he was the only person in his life worth knowing. Worth spending his life with. And if Sebastian died, he'd have absolutely nothing to live for. He might as well _go back to his father_.

Tears in his eyes, he threw all the pills into his mouth.

"No!" Sebastian cried out. He reached up, and yanked the younger down, thrusting his fingers inside his small mouth, and latching on to the pills that the other had popped in his mouth.

Ciel wriggled, trying to get away from the strong male, but failing as each pill was torn out of his mouth, and thrown into the tub.

"Don't." Sebastian growled.

"Why not!? You're _dying."_

Sebastian scoffed, and let go. "What does it matter? Like I said before-"

"_No,_ Sebastian," Ciel hissed, "You're _dying _right in front of me_. _I know that _something _is wrong in your head... I was there too, remember? I want to help you. I want to be there for you..." Ciel said softly. He tentatively reached out, and ran the pads of his fingers along the back of his hands, over his knuckles, and up his arm.

"Sebastian... I _love _you." He growled, thumping his head on his chest.

For once, Sebastian was silent- which slightly startled Ciel. When the man's gentle fingers ran through his hair softly, Ciel's breathing shook, and he pushed closer, curling himself next to the man.

"...Why?" Sebastian said softly.

Ciel felt himself tear up, and he sniffed. "...Because there's so much I love about you." He said softly.

"I don't think so." Sebastian murmured.

"There are. Loads." Ciel pushed away, and sat up again. He brought his head into his lap, and combed his fingers through his hair. "You're kind- not just to me, but to everyone around you. When someone is mean, you stand up to them. You help strangers who you see have a hard time- and you don't even need an explanation; You're smart- you ace nearly every test I've ever seen you take, and you study hard. You have a schedule that you stick to, and never break from it unless it's an emergency.

"I remember when I got in trouble- my car broke down on the mountain a few hours from here, and I called you because no one else would pick up... and you came. You dropped what you were doing, and you came to help me- even though it was two in the morning. You were studying for a test for the next day, and you needed to sleep... yet, even though you were exhausted from that trip to get me, you still aced the test.

"I haven't seen any of your family, but I know you get phone calls from them. I hear them, sometimes, and they wonder where you are. They plea to see you, and I understand if you're trying to get away... I had to, too... But besides that, you're admired. Many people look up to you for the right and wrong. They look up to you for your kindness, and your strength. You're stronger than they are, in their eyes, and they see you as a symbol; just by _being in the same room,_you give the people around you the courage to stand up, try harder, and do their best. Your life not only impacts the people around you, but your life also effects the system- the way things run... success... failure... even the environment. When you're in the room, everything is different. People try."

Ciel felt tears well in his eyes as he spoke, and he looked down into Sebastian's sad, crimson brown eyes.

"You... you never give up, either. You push yourself as much as you encourage everyone around you- and thats what I love about you. You're passionate about what you do, you're kind to everyone no matter what they do or what they are, and you take care of what matters most."

Ciel laced their fingers together, and nuzzled the man's cheek. "And, besides all of that... you've saved me." He whispered softly, "I can't remember how many times I wanted it all to end- like you do now- but... your presence gave me something I had long ago lost: Hope. Hope for a better future. For a better life. Hope that shed some light on opportunities. I switched _majors, _and I'm here today because of you."

Sebastian remained quiet throughout the speech. An... impact on others? Was... that really what he thought?

Ciel tightened his grip, and cried hard into his shoulder. "And now... now look what you've done." he whimpered, "You've gone and... and..."

Sebastian sighed softly, and raised an arm. He grazed the pads of his fingers over the small of the male's back, rubbing comfortingly. "I'm... sorry." he murmured.

Ciel shook his head fiercely, flinging drops everywhere. "You're not. You're not sorry." He said, voice cracking. "You wanted this. You wanted death... and now I have to suffer your loss; it isn't fair!" Ciel buried his face into the fabric of his shirt, and sobbed.

"I still don't... understand why you care so much." Sebastian muttered, rubbing the back of Ciel's hand with his thumb. He made no move to unlace their fingers just yet, the feeling was rather pleasant.

"Why... I care so much...?" Ciel said in a small voice. He didn't quite pull all the way away from his shirt, just lingering above it, staring at his chest instead of his beautiful face.

"You're all the things I'm not, but strive to be. You care about others, and would go to great lengths to help them. You love hard... I know that much..." he murmured softly, "I've already seen how hard you love your sister when she comes by every now and then." He murmured. "I... I want to know that type of love."

Sebastian detangled their fingers, and brought his palm up to Ciel's face, raising it to face his own. He looked into Ciel's pained eyes, and smiled softly; "I could swear you're just saying that because I'm dying, but... I'm not sure."

"No no no," Ciel murmured, pushing closer. "I mean every word. Sebastian... without you, I'm absolutely _nothing._"

"Not true." Sebastian muttered, "You have a lot going for you. I even know more than enough people who already like you-"

"Oh big whoop." Ciel hissed. "I don't care who they are... if they aren't you." he murmured.

Sebastian, rather taken aback, didn't say anything for a few moments, just took to staring back into his eyes.

"When I say I want you... that I love you... surely you should know by now- by my persona, at least- that I mean it. I don't say such things lightly- you know some of the things I've been through. It's hard enough for me to trust _myself, _let alone someone else- but that isn't the case here. I trust you completely. When you leave in the middle of the night sometimes, and I'm awake, I believe you when you tell me you're going to the roof to calm down for a bit- with other people, I wouldn't believe that for an instant. It's college- tons of people go to parties in the middle of the night-"

"Parties, though, aren't really my thing..." Sebastian interjected, cutting him off.

"Well... yes... but that's not my point here. I'm telling you that I trust you- more than I do myself. I know you would never lie to me unless it was very important- and even then, I'd still trust you, because I'd believe-"

"Okay okay. I get it." Sebastian said, cutting him off again.

Ciel was pushed back, away from him, and Sebastian pushed himself up to his elbows. His thighs still stung horribly, even though they were bandaged and taken care of.

"Um... thank you for the compliments..." he said in a small voice, "And... thank you for taking care of my legs..."

Ciel crossed his arms, uncertain of what Sebastian was doing.

Sebastian reached up again, and grasped the small pill bottle, to which Ciel hissed, and slapped it out of his hand.

"What?"

"Stupid! I'm not letting you take more so you can die quicker!" Ciel spit.

Sebastian sighed. "So, then, you don't trust me?"

Ciel choked, "What-!? What do you mean!? You're _dying, _and you want _more?" _Ciel said, outraged.

"No. No, do you trust me?" he said softly.

Warily, Ciel nodded slowly. "You know I do... I just said so..."

Sebastian extended his hand. "Then, hand me the bottle."

Ciel felt his heart pound in his chest, and, shakily, he picked up the bottle that was lying on the floor. He stared at it, seething with rage.

This damn prescription... would be the death of the one he loved the most. Next chance he got he'd throw it out, and suffer. He didn't care how much his eye hurt, he'd do it. He'd chuck it.

"Give it, Ciel." Sebastian said softly, palm waiting in the air.

Ciel closed his eyes, tears falling freely, and handed the ugly bottle over to the man.

Sebastian shook it, hearing more pills still in it. With a soft smile, he un-capped it, and poured the rest of the pills into his hand.

He sighed in relief. "There's still more of them." he said softly.

Ciel opened his eyes, arms crossed, hugging himself as he watched his roommate hold the pills in his hand.

Sebastian looked up, and set the bottle down, which was now empty.

He reached up, and wiped the younger's tears away. "Ciel, come here." he said softly, propping himself against the porcelain tub.

Ciel sniffed, tears still streaming down his face, and did as he was told.

Sebastian folded his legs, and pulled him close, into his lap, and hugged him from behind.

"You said you trusted me?"

"Yes." Ciel responded immediately.

"Then, If I told you that I could take all of these right now, and I wouldn't hurt... you'd believe me."

"You'd be dead, Sebastian. That isn't something to joke about." Ciel hissed.

"Okay, fine then. What if I said _you _could take them all right now, and be fine." He said.

Ciel turned sharply, looking into Sebastian's eyes worriedly. "What do you mean."

"If I told you to eat them, knowing that fact, would you do it?" He said softly. "Would you trust me enough to eat them all right now, knowing that?"

Ciel paused, "I... that's my medicine... my doctor told me not to have more than two at a time per day." He said.

Sebastian laced their fingers, staring into his eyes. "Do you trust me enough to eat all six of these right now." he asked. He immediately turned to the side, coughing, and clearing his throat.

Worried, Ciel sniffed, and squeezed their attachment.

"...Yes." He said in a small voice.

Sebastian nodded, "Do it, then. And trust me..."

Ciel looked at him for a few moments longer, and then sighed. He grabbed the six pills from Sebastian's hand, and, looking him in the eyes, popped them all in his mouth.

He tried to swallow them all, but choked.

Sebastian clapped him on the back a few times, concern filling his eyes.

Once Ciel swallowed them, he cleared his throat. "Just fine, huh?"

Sebastian snorted, "Well, you weren't supposed to choke on them."

Ciel rolled his eyes, "Okay, well... now what?" he asked. "Are we both going to die now? Was that your plan?"

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "You said you trusted me."

"I also said you could lie, and I would believe and trust you anyway because you only do it when it's important."

"And you think this is important?"  
"Sebastian... you're dying in our bathroom. Yeah, I'd say it kind of was."

Sebastian sighed dramatically, "Well then, I guess we're _both _dying in our bathroom."  
Ciel sighed, turning around and relaxing against the older's chest. "Great. Wonder who'll find us."

Sebastian chuckled, "Cleaning lady, maybe. Or one of your friends, perhaps?"

"Sebastian, I don't have any friends- none that would want to come over right away anyway. And you aren't that social, so you probably don't have friends either."

Sebastian gasped slightly, feigning offense. "I have _friends."_ He said.

Ciel rolled his eyes, "Pft. Yeah, okay. Name one."

"You." He whispered.

Ciel snorted, "Yeah, okay then. Fine, me. But someone _other _than me."

Sebastian paused, "Oooh, difficult." he murmured. "Well, I mean, I actually have two I care about."

Ciel raised an eyebrow, looking back. "Oh yeah? And who are these two friends. I must meet them."

"Technically you've already met them. You know them very well." He said.

Ciel made a face. "I don't know what you-... Wait." Ciel nearly choked, "Are you implying yourself in this case?" He said, on the brink of laughter.

"Well, that would be nice, wouldn't it." Sebastian shot back, "But no, actually, I'm not."

Ciel thumped the back of his head on Sebastian's shoulder. "Well, let's see then... I might be one of them... but I don't know who the other one is."

Sebastian sighed, "Are you giving up on guessing, then?"

"Yes. Tell me." Ciel ordered.

"Well..." Sebastian trailed off. "One of them is my best friend..." he murmured.

"-probably me, then." Ciel said, cutting him off. He gripped their attachment, signaling him to continue.

"And... the other one..." Sebastian continued in a small voice. "is... my Lover."

Ciel froze, tensing. He was silent for the longest time, and so was Sebastian. Ciel sighed, still tense. "Oh..." He murmured softly.

Ciel let go of their attachment. "I... didn't know. I'm sorry." He said, voice wavering, threatening to crack. Lover... He didn't know Sebastian had a lover. He should have asked, but he... just never did.

It was his fault, then, for assuming that Sebastian wasn't social enough to have a lover. To meet one, or to be with one.

Ciel crawled out of Sebastian's lap, but Sebastian growled, yanking him backward by his hip.

"Sebastian, You should-"

"Oh knock that shit off, Ciel." he hissed. Sebastian forcefully laced their fingers together again, and held on tighter. "You didn't ask who they were."

Ciel rolled his eyes, "Actually, yes, I did."

"Names, Ciel. You didn't ask their names."

Ciel sighed again, looking at the floor. "Fine, then. What are their names."

"Ciel, you dumbass. Look at me." Sebastian hissed again.

Ciel, surprised by Sebastian's sudden aggression, turned to face him. "What."  
"I didn't think you were completely stupid." Sebastian lectured. "I thought you could have guessed who they were right off the bat- they _are _just titles, after all."

"Titles?" Ciel asked, confused.

Sebastian rolled his eyes irritably, "Ciel. Titles. They have one name."

Ciel shook his head, "Okay now you're just-"

"Kiss me, Ciel. Kiss me." Sebastian ordered.

Ciel's eyes widened, "What!? I just-"

Sebastian leaned forward, and pressed his lips to his. Shocked, Ciel didn't know how to react. He hadn't ever... kissed anyone before. Sebastian's persistence, though, got him to return the kiss, pressing back with equal force.

Sebastian pried open Ciel's lips with his tongue, and met Ciel's own. He explored the wet cavern, squeezing their attachment lovingly.

Ciel battled Sebastian's tongue, but ultimately receded to allow Sebastian to explore his mouth.

When Sebastian pulled away, a string of saliva still connected them, and Ciel was left morally confused.

"What was-..."

"Ciel," Sebastian murmured, grazing his thumb across his cheek. "The titles- Best Friend, and Lover... they're just two separate titles. The name you were looking for was your own. You serve, now, as both my best friend, and my lover..."

Ciel, confused, but heart quaking at the realization, widened his eyes in shock.

Sebastian pressed his forehead to his, running his fingers through the younger's ashen hair, and kissed his nose affectionately.

"I was waiting for you to tell me... but you never did. I assumed that you kept your distance out of respect, or insecurity, but... you don't have to now. I want you near me. I want you... period." Sebastian breathed.

Ciel sniffed, and kissed his lips softly. On one hand he was extremely happy, but on the other hand... morbidly furious.

"How... how could you tell me this _now."_ he cried suddenly.

Sebastian, not expecting a reaction quite like _that,_ cradled him. "What do you mean?" he asked softly.

"Sebastian...! We're _dying._You could have told me earlier, and none of this would have happened!" He shouted, voice cracking, and head falling onto his shoulder. "It... was nice of you to tell me like that- freak me out for a bit and all, and then surprise me... but still. We're _dying. _I wanted... to do so much..." He cried, quaking in the other's arms.

Sebastian shook his head, and sighed. "Ciel, look at me." he said softly.

Ciel looked up, sniffing.

"I told you before- I didn't lie. You'll be completely fine." He reminded gently, rubbing circles on his back, soothingly.

"But you... you..."

Sebastian kissed his cheek softly, hugging him to his frame. "I'll be fine, too." he murmured.

He pulled away, and picked up the bottle. He pushed himself to his feet, cradling the younger close, and sitting on the lip of the tub. "You see this?" He said, showing the male the bottle.

"My medicine, Sebastian." he answered flatly, "Unless you don't have _eyes, _that isn't just... some..." He trailed off in shock, watching as Sebastian peeled off the label smoothly, and revealed a different label underneath. While pill bottles could be the same as any other, this particular label was printed, not glued on with paper.

"Vitamins, Ciel." Sebastian laughed softly. "Vitamins. Same shape, and size as regular medicine, but only... with these ones you don't have to worry about how many you take. If you take more than the recommended amount, you'll just shit for a few days."

Ciel, realizing what this meant, instantly scrambled off his lap, brushing himself off. "You... you... you shithead!" Ciel nearly screamed in outrage. "You had me _crying, _and everything! I'm sensitive to this, you know!" He hissed, "I wanted so badly to-"

"I know." Sebastian interrupted.

He threw down the bottle, standing on his feet, and brushing the dirt off his clothes. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to be absolutely sure about your feelings-"

"You could have just _asked _instead of being a total _dick-"_

Sebastian pulled the younger close, nuzzling into the younger's neck. "I know, it was cruel and uncalled for, but I just wanted to try it." he muttered, "Please forgive me." he added, kissing the base of his neck lovingly, and sighing contentedly as he held him.

Ciel sighed, not having the energy to fight back. Sebastian was stupid sometimes... but he was also smart, kind, funny... a total dick.

Ciel shook his head, and laced their fingers together again. "It's probably three, now." he murmured. "I have a test tomorrow, and you're going to help me study for it because- due to your stupid 'dying' escapade, you made me forget everything; and, seeing as how _dying _is not going to happen tonight, then you're going to pay me back by helping me."

Sebastian pushed on the bathroom door, flicking the light off, and guiding his lover out of the room in front of him.

"Of course I will." he murmured.

Sebastian pulled Ciel over to his side of the room, flopping on top of the mattress.

"Sebastian, I don't mean right now, okay. It's too late- er... early, now. I want to sleep first, and then you can help me in the morning when it's light out."

Sebastian nodded, letting go of Ciel's hand. "In the morning, then." He crawled under the blankets, wincing slightly at the cuts on his legs.

Ciel noticed this, and frowned. "Are your legs still bothering you...?" He asked softly, leaning down beside the bed as Sebastian got comfortable.

"Yeah, a bit... but that can easily be taken care of." he murmured.

Ciel raised an eyebrow, "How...?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes, smiling, "You might just be the biggest airhead I know." he complained, then grabbed Ciel's wrist, tugging on it.

"You're supposed to join me in my bed, and then snuggle." he murmured, eyes heavy with exhaustion.

Ciel snickered, "Wow, 'snuggle'. I wasn't aware that was a word hidden in your vocabulary."

"Shut up and get in the fucking bed, Ciel. I'm cold, and you were practically on top of me the whole time I was in the bathroom, and you were sucking the warmth from my body. Now make up for it, and let me cuddle you."

Ciel let out a small, light-hearted laugh. "Yeah, fine. Okay." He snorted.

He peeled back the covers, and settled down under the blankets. Almost instantaneously, Sebastian wrapped both of his arms around him, and pulled him close, tangling their legs, and nuzzling into his neck.

"You know I love you, right?" Sebastian asked softly, closing his eyes, and breathing in his scent.

Ciel sighed contentedly, "I do _now, _you dumbass..." Ciel looked down slightly, and kissed the top of his head. "...I love you too, moron."

He draped his small hand around his waist, and gave in to Sebastian's warmth. He smiled when the older's breathing evened out, and he let himself, too, fall victim to sleep at three o'clock in the morning.


End file.
